July 18, 2008

• A Bad Brush with Childcare

  Dear Kristen,

  It has been a tough month since my previous entry. What made it a difficult month was the experience that we had with a childcare that we had a trial with, as well as trying to get you adjusted back to your normal self after the traumatic experience.

  A couple of weeks ago, we decided to start you with a half-day childcare near by. Prior to the decision to start with a trial with the childcare you were attending a parent-accompanied class at Ros Schoolhouse. We were initially torn between starting the half-day childcare and continuing with the next semester at Ros Schoolhouse. But we finally decided on starting half-day childcare because we thought that you were ready.

  Okay, abit of background. Why did we want you to go to childcare? Well, currently, you are alone with Auntie Belle for most of the day and we wanted you to have some exposure to other children and have more opportunity to interact with other children your own age. We were also keen on having you learn other things that you can't at home. We thought that it would be fun for you, and half-day would be a good balance as you would be able to spend some time at home too.

  How did we choose the childcare? Looking back, badly. We visited two childcares which were near our place. Near meaning, a walking distance of 5 minutes from home. The first was Character Montessori and the second was MMI @ Pasir Ris. MMI @ Pasir Ris has a policy that parents are not allowed to visit during school hours as this would distract the children during lesson. We were fine with this and visited on a Saturday when they were having a parent-teacher day (wow). Took a look at the place and had good vibes about it. The principal and her husband who run the place looked nice enough, although they did keep telling us about how popular their school was and that there was even a parent who drove all the way from the west to put their child in their school. And how they were so popular that the playgroup for the full day and halfday morning session was full already and they only had 3 places left for the following year. And by the time we left the school, only 2 places because one parent paid a deposit while we were there. We asked a couple of questions, about how children settled down over there and what did they teach, and what they fed children (honestly, the principal can't remember and did not bother to remember later on). But seeing how popular it was, how convenient it was and how they had a parent-teacher day... as well as based on stories from the principal on how children improved when they were there. We decided to sign you up for the half-day afternoon class.

  How we chose a childcare, we soon learnt, was very wrong. And it was a tough lesson. We did not see the teachers who would be taking care of you, we did not observe the way lessons were conducted, we did not get to see how teachers handled the children. Argh. So stupid of us.

  As I was working and having a busy period at work, I did not take leave to accompany you. But as Daddy was at home, we decided that he would accompany you on your first day. I spoke to the principal and tried my best to convince her to let Daddy stay and teach the teachers to handle your hearing aids, and to let them be more aware of your habits, needs, wants and behaviour. BUT, they quickly chased him away after half an hour. Kept insisting that he was disrupting and distracting the class. He could barely get to observe the class.

  That evening, Daddy and Auntie Belle picked you up from class and you were screaming and crying away. The next day, the principal called me to tell me that you were screaming and crying the entire time and told me not to expect you to learn anything just yet as you were still adjusting. You only calmed down during the song and music portion but still, you wanted to stick to only one teacher. She implicitly "complained" that Daddy had asked what you learnt and did that day and told us not to expect anything. Of course we were fine with this. We were aware that different children adjusted differently and we did expect you to take some time to adjust but you are tough and will adapt eventually.

  On the second day, you were crying already when you were being walked to school. Yes, you remembered and you were crying already knowing that you were going to school. It's really heart wrenching hearing about this at work and not being able to do anything. In the evening, when Daddy went to pick you up, you were bleeding at your mouth. You had a bad cut at your lip because you fell down. The teacher that handed you to Daddy had blood on her top and it looked like it was still fresh. Daddy said she was not even apologetic about it. Of course I was upset, but I figured, accidents happen... even at home. So not to worry too much about it.

  The next day, the principal called me bright and early at about 8.30 to tell me about this incident. First, she started off telling me that you loved to jump alot. Then she told me about how you were very clingy to one particular teacher. She said that you were with the teacher and the teacher was marking some papers so she could not keep her eye on you all the time although you wanted to only be with her. So while you were next to the teacher, you were jumping on a step then you fell. So... she technically blamed you for loving to jump and blamed you for wanting to be with one particular teacher, so you fell and hurt yourself. No. Not because she could have kept an eye on you or found there to be a problem that you were jumping on a step. But silly Mummy decided not to find fault with the school so early in your trial and decided to let the incident pass. Again, in that same phone call, she mentioned that Daddy was asking what you did at school again and that we should not expect her to learn anything just yet. Sheesh.

  The third day's report from the principal was about how you were screaming the whole day and crying. How you did not want to let go of your bag (for the teachers to make you milk), did not want to eat the food at the centre (which you did not eat in the first two days too). And how you kept screaming for that one teacher that you felt truly comfortable with. Principal kept justifying the reason why they could not let you be with that teacher even for awhile longer to help you adjust was because she was going for a honeymoon soon and you would be separated from her sooner or later. Plus, on that day, that teacher had a meeting to attend out of the school so she was unable to take care of you. And so, you spent that entire afternoon screaming and not letting anyone touch your things. The principal said that even the cleaning auntie mentioned that you were screaming without tears. I was fine with this, I understood that the teacher could not spend all the time with you, but I did expect that the school would be flexible enough when the teacher was around to help you adjust into the school. Again, she mentioned not to expect you to learn anything yet (sounding irritable again) because Daddy was asking about how your day went.

  The fourth day's report from the principal was that she had to bring you into her room so as not to wake the other children who were sleeping because you were screaming. And how you kept clinging on to your bag. She said that you were just screaming in a corner and how it was best if they left you alone. And again, another mention about Daddy's daily question about how your day went. She then said that maybe you were not ready for school yet, to go back and discuss with Daddy if we really wanted you to continue with the school after the trial.

  There was no report for Friday as the next day was a weekend.

  At the end of the first week, you were a very changed little girl. You hated going out, did not want to put on your shoes because you would think that you are going to school. Each time we cleaned you to get ready to go out (whether to school or just to go out) you were struggle and cry. You struggled and screamed walking out on the road. On one of the evenings, when Mummy got home earlier, we walked towards the school together. As we turned onto the road of the school you started wailing and struggling to go back home. You became more fussy about little things, like how only Mummy can take your milk bottle from you at night after you have finished your milk.

  On Monday, Mummy did not receive a phone call from the school, but I decided to give them a call on Tuesday just to find out how Friday and Monday went. It was a very troubling phone call.

  The principal started off telling me how you were still screaming and crying. Then she told me that screaming was fine, but your screams were so shrill and loud she could hear it across the road. Mummy snorted that away. Then she started saying how the centre's neighbours slept in the afternoon, and how they might complain about the noise that you were making and how they might lose their license. I got so angry and pissed at that mention. But I kept it in for awhile more and allowed her to rattle on. She then started telling me about how you were cranky one day when you did not have sleep before going to the class and they were trying to put you to sleep. The CLEANING auntie tried to help you go to sleep but you slapped her. She said it in a way that it was your fault, like how you were cheeky for hitting the auntie. She failed to see why the cleaning auntie was even handling you.Mummy got so so angry at this clearly unprofessional school and how they clearly did not having their priorities set right.

  After I got off the phone with the principal, I called Daddy to tell him what I heard, what I felt, and we both agreed that we were not going to continue with the school and not even bother bringing you there in the afternoon.
  I called the principal back, and told her that we were not continuing with the trial. She said "OK"... No "why?", no "how come?", no "let's try again and see what we can do to make this work". So I casually asked her if we could have some money back from the trial since we were not continuing, and as expected, she said "No." That's when I decided to give her my honest opinion about the things she had been telling me.

  I told her that there was absolutely nothing wrong with Daddy asking about how your day went in school. It was his right. Our rights as parents. Regardless bad or good, why was she complaining that Daddy had asked how your day went? Wasn't it her duty or the teacher's duty to tell us?

  I told her that it was ridiculous that she even brought her the issue of her losing her license as childcare centre up. How can I trust to put my child in her care when all she cares about is the neighbours complaining about children screaming. Don't children cry and scream? Isn't it part and parcel in a little toddler to scream at times?

  I told her that her school did not even let us help them make the process easier for you. Sure, the teacher cannot be there all the time for you. The school was not even flexible to let one parent or caregiver be there especially since it was obvious that you were having a tough time. Being separated from us, and being separated from the one teacher that you felt comfortable with after only 2 days. We offered many times to be there, but they constantly refused. Not once did the principal ask what she or the teachers could do to make the experience easier for you. Not once. They were not even interested in what your behaviour was like at home, or what you liked so that they could make you like the school more. To this complaint, she said that if we wanted, Auntie Belle could follow you into the class for the next few days. It was only then that she offered such a solution.

  She defended herself by saying that she truly loved children, and that she used to sell insurance, but she decided to make the switch because she loved children.

  But. Whatever she said, it did not make a difference anymore. Our minds were made up. Popular school, branded name... Who cares? MMI @ Pasir Ris came off as unprofessional, uncaring and inflexible to me. They did not treat you well and had taught me a harsh lesson in choosing a right childcare for you.

  It took another week for you to finally relax about going out of the house, changing your diapers and wearing your shoes. Some permanent effects on you include fussing about who gives you milk (all the time, and the "appointed person" changes from time to time), who wears clothes for you (sometimes), who carries your things (sometimes). We started the toddler programme at Ros Schoolhouse again. A new change is that when previously, Daddy would just drop you off with Auntie Belle and you would run in happily, now, you would cling on to Daddy. You are frightened that you would be left behind again. You make sure that Daddy attends the class with you and not leave. Even Teacher Ros commented that you were not like that before.

  It was a harsh lesson and it is taking us time to get you back to your previous self. Maybe this is just a one-sided review of the Pasir Ris MMI, but it was enough for us to make our minds up about how terrible the school was and what bad decision we had made. Although I've been told many times to write a complaint letter to the press, I've decided to just leave it as perhaps there are truly good things about the school that other parents like but I just can't see it. Perhaps the only good thing out of the whole experience was that you are now speaking a little more, or that could be a pure coincidence with you growing up.

  Some innocence has been lost, and I can never expect you to change back to your old self quickly, but we'll make it through. I'm sorry for the lousy decision I made in signing you up in such a school, but I will learn from this and promise that I will never ever subject you to such trauma again.

  Love,       
  Mummy

  • 4:27 pm
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